Monday, October 6, 2014

The Big Six-Oh: Lessons on Aging

Today is my birthday. It’s a big one, and I’m none too pleased. After a certain age, if you complain about your birthday, people always say, “It’s better than the alternative” in a disgustingly cheery voice. They’re right, of course, but that doesn't keep me from wanting to slap them. In honor of entering my seventh decade, I've decided to share a few of my observations on aging. They’re not earth-shattering or original, but they are personal. If you’ve already passed this milestone, see if they resonate with you. If not, just look at what you have to look forward to!

1.    Your body will never be the same again. I've always been reasonably energetic and youthful, but things are changing, and I know they won’t go back. I still exercise daily, but I can no longer get up from a squat without using my arms. If I have to pick something up off the floor, I kneel. When OG needs my help carrying something heavy, I no longer assume it’ll be a breeze. It won’t. Menopause has stolen every last speck of collagen in my body. Everything’s starting to sag, and my fat seems to be migrating. Parts that used to be well-padded are now spare; parts that used to be svelte now look like sacks of pudding. On the upside, I can still do everything I want to do, just not as quickly.

2.    Anything can happen at any time. After OG’s stroke last spring, we ran smack dab into the reality of mortality—our own and each other’s. He escaped without significant effects, but we recognize the outcome could have been very different. After sixty, you can no longer glibly acknowledge that life might throw you an unexpected curve ball. You have to accept it in the marrow of your bones.

3.    Take time to appreciate the small wonders and everyday beauty around you. I find I’m much more interested in nature than when I was younger. I look for beauty in the tiny details as well as the broad vistas. That’s a big part of why Carmel Valley speaks to me. I’ve never been surrounded by such beauty, and it’s more important to me now than ever before.

4.    Take the time and effort to truly get to know and understand yourself. When we’re working and raising families, there’s not much time for introspection. Someone always needs something, and we do what we must to get by day to day. When those demands lessen, you owe it to yourself to figure out what makes you tick and what you need to live the rest of your life in the most satisfying way possible.

5.    Have good role models. Pay attention to the older people in your life, whether family or friends. Spend time with them. What choices have they made to improve the quality of their lives as they age? My maternal grandmother lived to be ninety-eight, and she was a huge influence on me, especially in the last several decades of her life. I learned what I need to know about being old from Gram.

6.    Be kind—to yourself and others. This speaks for itself. There will be those who need your help, and you will need theirs. Accept and rejoice in it.

I’d love to hear how you feel about growing older. I’m trying to accept it as a blessing as well as a challenge, but I’ll confess that some days I find myself repeating OG’s perennial observation: “It isn't easy”.

24 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday, Alison. I like your words of wisdom, at 42 I'm presently working on #4. Enjoy your day!

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    1. Thanks, Ally. Getting to know yourself is so important in every way, and it helps in your writing, too!

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  2. Happy Birthday, Alison. I'll be 41 in less than a month and I already feel the effects of arthritis. I'm determined, however, to grow older gracefully and continue to challenge myself with writing and other pursuits. - Rhonda Eason

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    1. Hi, Rhonda. We should all strive to grow older gracefully!

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  3. Happy birthday Allison! I totally know where you're coming from since I'm only a couple of years behind you. My maternal grandmother lived to 96 and my mother to 93, and until the the last couple of years of their lives were reasonably healthy and active, and had a good quality of life. Fortunately, neither of them suffered from any form of dementia, for which I'm grateful. So I'll do what I can to try to stay healthy and active in this second part of my life and live as fully as I can.

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    1. Hi, Jana. Dementia is my greatest fear. My beloved Gram suffered it progressively through her 90's. Like you, I'm doing what I can to stay healthy and active. What else can we do?

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  4. Happy Birthday Alison and thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. I'm in my mid-fifties and have to admit to feeling the twinges or arthritis. (I've broken seven bones so it was bound to happen.) But I don't have the benefit of a family that grows old gracefully. My family are nuts. My father won't wear a hearing aid even though he's deaf and my mother won't wear glasses even though she can't see. Their reason for refusing these useful items - people will think I'm old. They're both eighty. I guess there's no growing old gracefully when you're just plain crazy.

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    1. Thanks, Marlow! I think we all have crazy family. Maybe we can enjoy being crazy when we're eighty, too.

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  5. Happy Birthday Alison. I'm also just two years behind you. My husband turned sixty on Saturday. This growing older thing is kind of an enigma for me. My mother's family were gone by the time they reached 52, my father's family by 62. I don't have a lot of examples to follow. I'm making the most of my time because it seems like a gift to have lived as long as I have. I know what you mean about appreciating the beauty in the smallest things. Life's great!

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    1. It sounds like you're the pioneer on aging in your family, Sandy. I guess that means you get to make the rules. I wish you many more decades of joy!

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  6. Happy Birthday! What a great post! :) I'm mid-40's now and working on #3!

    Your fellow TWRP author,
    Melinda

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    1. #3 is a great one to work on, Melinda! I came to it later than I should have and am enjoying making up for lost time.

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  7. Happy birthday Alison. As a breast cancer survivor I never say "I don't want to get old" because I'm grateful every day just to be here. The two problems I see with growing old (if you don't include "grandma arms") is that 1) your body grows older faster than your brain. My body looks my age - almost 50 - but in my mind I'm still somewhere around 30, give or take a few years. And 2) we should get mid-life retirement say 35-45, so that we can physically do and enjoy those things that will take a lot more effort in a few years (exploring the ruins of Greece, walking the Great Wall)

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    1. Charlotte, as a cancer survivor you have a completely different perspective on aging - one I admire. I SO agree with both your points!

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  8. Happy Birthday, Alison. Great post. I think that at any age, some of these points are excellent.

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    1. Thanks, Judy. I wish I'd figured some of them out sooner, but we take what we can get.

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  9. Happy Birthday, Alison!! Absolutely loved your post and totally agree. When someone told me that waiting for the next 8 episodes of Outlander to air in April wasn't that long, I laughed! I only focus on one day at a time, so this is wayyyy out there. Besides, I'll be another year older. There are days when I look in the mirror and wonder who the "older" woman is, since inside I feel only 25. Enjoy your day my friend!

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    1. Thanks, Mary! You really do get a different perspective on the passing of time, don't you? I can't possibly be that woman in the mirror, can I?

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  10. Happy Birthday, Alison. What a brave soul you are. I've got a couple of years on you and I am fighting aging so bad, I try to ignore the numbers. I am never out there with admitting my age. I'm just not graceful about this aging thing. I HATE it when I get the alternative statement too. I HATE it when someone tells me I look good for my age. I work hard on the farm and hurt some days but I'll be damned if I quit. You're points are great and gave me pause to remember and agree. Thanks for the post.

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    1. Brenda, I'll always remember what my grandfather told me when he turned ninety. He said, "Getting old stinks." Succinct, to the point, and very true. Hang in there.

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  11. Enjoy and appreciate each day, each hour. Strive to help those in need.

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  12. Hope you had a fantastic day, Alison. Happy Belated wishes!! Loved your post and your insights. We definitely have to enjoy each day as it comes. I remember 60 :) and I do have a wonderful role model--my grandmother, who died at age 99. I wish I were as active now as she was at 90!

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    1. Aren't grandmothers wonderful, Barb? Mine suffered from dementia her last few years and I'd prefer to avoid that, but otherwise, she was like the Energizer Bunny!

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