Thirty years
ago today OG and I were married in an intimate ceremony in my parents’ living
room. It was the second marriage for us both, but in truth we were babes in the
woods. Our short, early marriages had left us largely unscathed and without much
emotional baggage. We’d barely dipped our toes in the tempestuous sea of
marriage. We were wildly in love and married because we couldn’t imagine not
being married.
But that wasn’t
always the case.
I met OG on
my first day at a new job in 1977. The supervisor was late, and OG was sitting
in her chair with his feet on her desk flipping paper clips into her coffee
cup. It was a very revealing introduction but certainly didn’t engender love at
first sight. In fact, I thought he was a goofball. Within a few weeks, we
discovered we had quite a bit in common: we’d both left Kansas City for
colleges on the East Coast and had even visited each other’s alma maters. We
became friends and saw each other socially, along with a group of other
employees about the same age. Eventually we both found ourselves single, began
dating, and the rest, as they say, is history.
The first
half of our life together was a roller coaster ride marked by multiple job
changes and losses, infertility, eventual parenthood, out of state moves,
health challenges, and loss of a parent. In other words, the sort of things
that happen to most people. However, that’s small consolation when it’s
happening to you. The drama has eased during recent years, but we’ll both carry
the battle scars of those early years for the rest of our lives.
Sometimes,
when things were at their worst, I would ask myself the ultimate Ann Landers
question: Are you better off with him or without him? The answer always came
back the same. OG and I are a team; the whole is greater than the parts. His
love and unwavering support have
allowed me to become more than I ever would
have otherwise.
So what’s my
advice for a lasting marriage?
- Remember what drew you to your partner in the first place. I was initially attracted to OG’s keen sense of humor and mordant wit, and he still keeps me laughing after all these years.
- Cultivate shared interests. You don’t want to spend every free minute together, but it’s important to have things you enjoy doing together.
- Don’t hold grudges. Face it—you’re going to wound each other. We’re all human, and we make mistakes. Forgive what you can and move on.
The past thirty years
haven’t always been easy, but they have been rich and deeply rewarding. Happy
Anniversary, Sweetie!
