It's Time for a Six Month Check-up

Six months ago today I began my new life, my Second Half. So much has happened in that time, it seems only fitting to stop and take stock of the changes. 

Health: Six months ago chronic stress from my job had caused me to lose a third of my hair, and I was sleeping no more than four hours a night. I had also lost a substantial amount of weight, although most of that was voluntary as I joined OG on his weight loss program for better health. Today my hair has grown back (I even have a fun new haircut!), and I sleep around seven hours most nights. I exercise six days a week and have recently  added yoga to my routine. OG exercises daily, and his 55-lb weight loss has allowed him to throw away his cholesterol and blood pressure medications. In addition to our exercise routines, we're both more active in general. The beautiful weather and convenient location of our condo encourage us to do many of our errands on foot. We enjoy exploring and searching out new places and activities and have already found a number of new favorites.

Home: The biggest change. Moving is always difficult and stressful, but we were lucky enough to sell our home in Minnesota without much hassle and relocate to Carmel, California. It's a good thing we already owned a condo here because the new house we purchased in March has a good basic floor plan and spectacular views but is unfit for human habitation. We are basically rebuilding it from the studs out. At this point demolition is complete, and the new heating system and interior framing are well underway. Friday, we spent 2 1/2 hours with the lighting designer choosing fixtures and developing the whole lighting plan. Our contractor says we're still on schedule to complete the project at the end of November, and I hope he's right. So far it's been a fun experience and not too stressful, aided by the fact that we're not trying to live in a construction zone.

Work: Before I retired, I spent several months thinking about what I wanted to do in my new life. Since I was already a published fiction author, I knew I wanted to continue writing. However, I also wanted to expand my literary horizons a bit. I decided to start my own company offering editing and book cover design services to independent authors. Although I have not yet formally launched the company, I have been learning the intricacies of Photoshop and have designed three covers for a friend's indie-published novella series. I've also designed a cover for my own first venture into self-publishing. I figured if I hope to work with other self-published authors, I need to understand and experience the process first hand. That book, a contemporary bodyguard romance entitled Unwritten Rules, should be ready for release in the next couple of months. After that, I hope to complete and self publish a Christmas novella in time for the holidays. I want to remain flexible and not drive myself crazy, but I think it's important to have goals. We'll check back in six months and see how I've done meeting them.

Finances: I would be remiss if I didn't address this important topic. After all, money doesn't grow on trees, and I don't want to pretend it does. Before I took the big plunge and retired  earlier than planned, OG and I took stock and decided we could afford it. I hope that's still true (I think it is), but we really don't know yet. Right now we're living off cash assets and haven't started drawing any actual retirement income. I expect that to happen later this year after we move into our new house and sell the condo. At that point, we should know exactly where we stand financially. Health insurance has been one of my largest concerns, as it is for most early retirees. For now we're on COBRA from my former employer. It runs out right about the time OG becomes eligible for Medicare next year, and I'll have to buy an individual policy. I just hope my good health continues and the Affordable Care Act lives up to its name.

So there you have it: the last six months in a nutshell. OG and I have given up the security of a regular paycheck and moved half-way across the country, away from everything we've known, in search of a healthier, more fulfilling life in The Second Half. I think we've found it. I'm grateful for where we are and what we have every minute of every day. (And I think OG's coming around, too!)

Best Stress Management Tips

In my May 17th post about toxic stress, I promised to share my favorite article on stress management. Last year, when my stress levels were over the moon, I read everything I could find about stress management, hoping to find some way to cope when I could barely breathe. Some articles were simplistic and obvious, others condescending. The advice I found at http://Helpguide.org is helpful, practical, non-judgmental, and spot-on from my perspective. I'll summarize it here but highly recommend you read the complete article yourself.

The authors, Melinda Smith and Robert Segal, begin by recommending a stress journal to help identify the sources of stress in your life. I was fully aware of the source of my stress, so I skipped over that section. However, if you are feeling stressed in general, this might help pinpoint the causes. Next, they advise looking at the ways you currently cope with stress, including a laundry list of unhealthy behaviors. Since I tend to internalize my stress, none of those behaviors directly applied either.

Then we get to the most valuable section, the part we've all been waiting for: healthy ways to manage stress. In it, the authors describe the Four A's of dealing with stressful situations.

Change the situation:                     OR                       Change your reaction:
1. Avoid the stressor.                                                  3. Adapt to the stressor. 
2. Alter the stressor.                                                    4. Accept the stressor.

They offer six stress management strategies.

#1: Avoid unnecessary stress.
      Seems obvious, right? Even in the face of chaos, you'd be surprised how much you can still control. After reviewing the following list of strategies, I discovered several ways to reduce some of the non-job-related stress in my life. I bet you will, too.

• Learn how to say "no" to excessive tasks and responsibilities.
• Avoid people who stress you out or limit your interactions with them.
• Take control of your environment - Look at the small, stressful interactions during your day and adjust or eliminate them where possible.
• Avoid hot-button topics - This was a major source of stress for me, particularly leading up to the last election. OG has very strong opinions, and while I may share them, listening to too many political rants of any kind is hard on me.
• Pare down your to-do list.

#2: Alter the situation.

• Express your feelings - I would recommend being somewhat careful with this. Depending on how and to whom you express your feelings, you might end up increasing your stress instead of decreasing it.
• Be willing to compromise - Try to look at your situation from different perspectives.
• Be more assertive - Again, temper this with reason. An assertive confrontation with a bad  boss might make things worse. However, a take-charge approach to managing your own life will give you a greater sense of control.
• Manage your time better.

#3: Adapt to the stressor - These are standard approaches used in cognitive behavioral therapy and can be very useful, depending on the sources of your stress and the available options.

• Reframe problems.
• Look at the big picture.
• Adjust your standards.
• Focus on the positive.

#4: Accept the things you can't change - Important life lessons for us all.

• Don't try to control the uncontrollable - I need lots of work on this one!
• Look for the upside.
• Share your feelings.
• Learn to forgive.

#5: Make time for fun and relaxation.

• Set aside relaxation time.
• Connect with others - This is critical during stressful times. Stress is isolating. We often hesitate to dump our troubles on family and friends. But even if you don't share the details, you need the support of loved ones.
• Do something you enjoy every day - You need to pamper yourself during tough times, even if it's just taking time to read a good book or cook a favorite meal.
• Keep your sense of humor - Try to find ways to laugh. Watch a funny movie. Go to the zoo.

#6: Adopt a healthy lifestyle.

• Exercise regularly.
• Eat a healthy diet.
• Reduce caffeine and sugar.
• Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs.
• Get enough sleep -  Sometimes easier said than done, but we have to at least try.

You can read the complete article HERE and let me know if it resonated with you the way it did with me.

My Hair Has Stopped Falling Out

Well, maybe not completely, but for the most part. There were a few hairs that didn’t get the mass suicide notice last fall when most of their brethren leapt to their deaths over a period of three months, but now the departures are gentle and intermittent. I’m afraid to say it out loud, but I’m beginning to nurse a nascent hope of having a full head of hair again, perhaps by summer.

What I actually want to talk about is the physical reaction to stress. Our bodies all react to stress differently, and I’ve discovered that my reaction has changed over the years. Like most people, I’ve had periods of high stress in my life, and as I’ve aged insomnia has become a bigger problem. I’ve also learned that prolonged stress and lack of sleep can give me sudden episodes of cardiac arrhythmia, so I try to manage the triggers the best I can. Unfortunately, one can’t predict sudden shocks, so I’ve had to learn how to minimize the episodes as well.

But before the “late unpleasantness” at my job, nothing had ever caused my hair to fall out. It’s one thing to hear anecdotally that stress causes hair loss but quite another to see fistfuls of evidence every morning in the shower. Even if we complain about our hair, more is unquestionably better than less. We connect hair loss with illness, and it reminds us that stress is an illness. We become stressed about our stress, and it feeds on itself like a snarling, voracious auto-cannibal.

That’s why I’m so happy to report that my hair has stopped falling out. It means my body is healing. And if my body is healing, it’s because my psyche is healing; my stress is diminishing. A very good omen for forging that new life in The Second Half.

You may be different, but for me, stress kills creativity. I don’t mean the lower-level stress of projects and deadlines; I mean the crushing existential stress that makes you want to run for the hills screaming. In future posts I hope to explore some methods of stress reduction that are new to me, like yoga and meditation. In the meantime, I’ll be peering in my mirror looking for signs of new little hairs sprouting where they should be—on top of my head!

What does stress do to your body, and what do you do to combat it? Please share. As they say on PBS’s The Red Green Show, we’re all in this together.